What can I control?

Last night, as I sat, listening to the crapola coming out my stepkids mouth (and it was crapola), I felt that familiar feeling creeping in. It is usually a mixture of "Is she serious?" with "I want to shave your head and tatoo FREAK" on your forehead....but last night, something hit me. Something I know. Something I saw to myself and others. But I am not sure I 100% believed it before.

I can't control her. I can only control my reaction to her. And I kept saying that over and over in my head. And suddenly it sank in. And I believed it.

Deep down, I want to believe the normal, level-headed person she used to be might return. I want to believe she cares for the kids more than herself. I want her to put them first, not just in the things she says, but in the things she does....

But she won't. And I can't make her.

So I controlled what I could...me and my reaction to her. I sat there, reciting the words to one of my favorite Robert Frost quote, "Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it."

And I said NOTHING. I didn't laugh. I didn't sneer. I didn't roll my eyes. There is so much I wanted to say, but what would it accomplish.

And I walked away with something that I will always have...my dignity and my husband's respect.